just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Vodka?
Forever.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
