Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it glows. i had to have it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
