Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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