you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
