Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
