you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
