So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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