Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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