I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
