He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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