allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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