I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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