he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
