we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
