Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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