I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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