You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
