Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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