So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
