I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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