so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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