Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You've changed since you got that strap on
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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