sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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