he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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