its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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