Christians are straight up FREAKS
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
