I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
