i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
