My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
