Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You're like the curious george of whores
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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