i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
