they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
