when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
