dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
