I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
