Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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