That's when you crack a 10am beer
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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