Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize