I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
