i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Quick, to the slutcave!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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