He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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