Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
