And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
