I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it glows. i had to have it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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