I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
