When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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