I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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