a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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