Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
