mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
