Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
