Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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