the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
