I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
