you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
