I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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