Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
